Thursday, April 26, 2012

Tiny Dancer

Life is not about weathering the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain. Thanks for the reminder, Birdie.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Thursday, April 19, 2012

How much is too much?

How much personal information is too much for a public blog? I think I'll be towing the line...
I think of this blog as many things; a journal, a baby book and love note to my girls and a fun little glimpse into our daily doings for friends and family. I typically just post about the sunny things in life but lately my family has been weathering an awful storm.
When I first posted about my Mom's cancer I tried to stay as positive and upbeat as possible and I continue to do so day to day but that doesn't mean I'm not terrified.
Cancer is wreaking havoc on my mom's body. Out of respect for her I won't mention specifics but I will say that it is hard to see the condition she is in at times. I'm happy to say that this has been a good week. Last week... not so good. She was hospitalized most the week and was fighting just about everything imaginable. Primarily breast cancer which has spread to her liver, heart problems, fluid retention, a bladder infection and even thrush. I think I have always known my mom is tough lady but my goodness... amazing is no understatement. She was released on the evening of her 61st Birthday and has been doing well at home since.
My mom is an awesome woman that would do anything for her family. When I got pregnant with Charlotte, Jake and I had just relocated from Donnelly and had lost our health insurance. I got a job with a local bank with the intention of scoring insurance but they only offered me part time, thus no bennies : / Pregnant, looking for employment and without health insurance isn't a great place to be. My folks run a successful family business and my mom actually split her job and salary with me as a way to get my ass insured : ) The job grew into a perfect, primarily working from home situation that I've held for almost four years now.
My mom's current job is to get better. The family at work has really stepped up to cover her position so that she doesn't even have to think about work and can focus on healing.
I tried to step up and take on more responsibilities at work while simultaneously spending more time with mom; hanging out, helping with errands and appointments, etc. My little family of four is always my top priority and I ended up feeling like by trying to do too much I was failing at everything. (that may sound mellow-dramatic but it felt so true.)
It wasn't an easy decision but I recently decided to leave my position with the family business. I wasn't doing any good by falling behind in my work load and since the job really has turned into something that would require a full time employee they deserve to hire in that kind of help. I just can't be it. *deep breath*
I am thankful that I have had the luxury to keep the position while I search for another job. Ideally something part-time, that offers benefits and has childcare... too much to hope for? Let's hope not. I.have.a.plan.
Cancer affects everything. Jake typically works on the road during the summer but has opted to stay in town because he recognises that we'll need him in the flesh. This is starting to come off whiny but fuck it... that's a huge part of our livelihood that we're walking away from.
I'm worried about so many things right now. I'm worried about my mom. I'm worried about my dad. I'm worried about finding a new job. I'm worried about health insurance. I'm worried about finances.
But what good does worry do?
Everything will work out because it always does.
The support system in place is truly inspiring. Everyone we love wants to help and does <3
We have everything because we have each other.
We are riding a crazy roller coaster together and I know they'll be more good days and bad days ahead... hopefully more of the good!
Sorry for the word-vomit and we'll be back to the regularly scheduled sunshine soon.... it's just good to get it all out sometimes.
ughhhhhhh.